Wrestling Roundup 9/21/12

21 Sep

Well, it’s that time again for the wrap up of wrestling news for this week. This is one of the pillars of this blog. As such, you will see this pop-up on occasion.

Now, let’s jump right into it.

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-Jesse Ventura appeared this week on Howard Stern to announce that he will run for president in 2016 and wants Howard Stern as his running mate. No, I’m NOT making this up. But, there is a catch. He will only do it if the people start a grass roots campaign and convince him that there are enough supporters.

This guy DOES have the qualifications to do it. After all, he was a Navy SEAL, a former governor of Brooklyn Park, and former governor of Minnesota.

He also has the right plan in mind. He wants to cut defense spending to balance the budget, make a constitutional amendment to treat companies separately from individuals so that they would not be able to use the protections that were given to private individuals, and repeal the Patriot Act which in itself is unconstitutional.

But, there is one thing lacking: common sense.

He wants to run on his own ticket, which isn’t bad as it happens all the time. But, he wants to run a grassroots campaign WITHOUT telling people how they can get involved. I, for one, want to help, but with no direction as to what he’d need here in my state, I cannot help at all. He wants to lead our country, but the first rule in leadership of anything is to give directions to your charges.

If I were to start a job at McDonald’s(Man! For a person who’s never worked there, I use that analogy an awful lot….), would the boss just stick me on the fryer or grill with NO INSTRUCTIONS WHATSOEVER? No! He’d train you and give you literature to take home so you can study out of work. That’s leadership at work.

You’d think someone who’s been a former governor, mayor, and Navy SEAL would be an EXPERT on leadership. This just proves he has a lot to learn about that. But, given how he’s in his early sixties and looks like the Crypt Keeper, I highly doubt he’ll learn anymore anytime soon.

So, until that happens, I’m afraid it’s just another example of Jesse running off at the mouth with no action. Which is a DAMN shame as he is very bright with his insight. He just needs to actually take that step like he used to instead of being holed up in the Baja, writing books, creating conspiracy theories out of thin air of which only a few are actually true, and bitching and moaning that the so called news stations don’t want to talk to him.

As for Howard Stern running with him, I’d like it if it’s the Howard I grew up with instead of “Hamptons Howie”. I love how for years and years, he pitched a shit fit about the government fucking him over and crucifying him(which he made into an album and I STILL own). But the minute he got his wish of being able to say whatever he wanted, he’s just been a pussy. He doesn’t have that edge anymore and to be honest, it was edgy because he was rebelling against something.

It wasn’t the language, content, or controversy that got our attention. It was the presentation. Let’s face it. Since he’s had the Sirius show, the presentation isn’t what it used to be. He’s got NOTHING to rebel against anymore and he’s lost his touch. He’s not funny anymore. He’s just tiresome.

He’s got millions of dollars, a trophy wife that whips him around like her own personal pet, million dollar property, and a place where he can say whatever he wants without getting into trouble. What the hell has he got to rebel against? Nothing! If he wants to grab people’s attention anymore, he needs to turn back into the old Howard Stern who used to live in an apartment in New York, had a wife that loved him, had friends who would die for him, and went to a job he was pissed about every day.

But, that will never happen, so I should stop wasting my breath on that subject…

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-I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining about the finish to the John Cena-CM Punk WWE Championship match this past Sunday. I had some time to think and you know what? It makes perfect sense. WWE just launched their whole “Breast Cancer Awareness” program of which John Cena is the poster child like everything else that company does nowadays.

They launched it with that Pay-Per-View and it didn’t make sense for John Cena to lose considering that alone. Who really wants to see a guy come out with new gear to support Breast Cancer Research get beat the night he comes out with it? At the same time, Punk is a great champion and you JUST turned him “heel”, so you don’t want him to drop the strap either. The solution? The old double pin finish.

The double pin finish is stupid in itself as why the hell would the referee count both shoulders down and consider it a draw? But, then again, doing a Broadway is lost on today’s fan and even if they tried, I’d think Cena’s tongue would be down to his feet in the first 20 minutes of the match. So, that’s definitely out.

I laugh at people complaining that they paid money for a PPV only for the match to end in a draw, but we’ve been doing it for years. Ric Flair would come into town to defend his belt against our top local guy and most times it would be a draw or an overturned finish. Either way, it was bullshit and we complained. But we still spent that money the next month and we LOVED it.

Proof positive that fans today don’t know SHIT about the business.

Speaking of Cena, that elbow surgery seemed to be bad timing, don’t you think? The whole Breast Cancer thing just lost its poster child to surgery. Also, I’m curious to see what they are going to for CM Punk since now the Hell In Cell match for the WWE Championship is going to be a throwaway match most likely.

My solution? Take a face that you want to get over like say…..Kofi Kingston or Jack Swagger(since WWE supposedly wants to turn him face) and build him to the moon. In the match, have him come within inches of beating Punk and make it a GOOD match. Then Punk somehow escapes with the belt. It’s a win-win situation. Punk still has the belt and you have a new main eventer. But, WWE’s “creative team” consists of the same people who scripted Heidi and Spencer’s fights on “The Hills” and came up with stupid web show ideas for “iCarly”, so I have NO fucking faith in these people whatsoever….

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-Speaking of the WWE’s initiative of Breast Cancer Awareness, I think it’s bullshit that only the faces get to wear pink. Someone like Dolph Ziggler who wears pink ALL THE TIME got told that he cannot wear the color anymore because he’s a heel. WHAT THE FUCK?! It’s a COMPANY WIDE INITIATIVE. Anyone who wants to support it should be able to. Major League Baseball does this and they don’t restrict who wears the colors. Neither does the National Football League. So, why is WWE doing that? I was singing the praises that it was a good thing that they are supporting the Komen Foundation, but reading into it more and seeing what’s going on, it sickens me.

Those Divas should support this too. Those silicone implants will give them cancer before anything else would. I’m waiting for the moment on live TV that they take a hard bump and their tits burst. Wait a minute! THAT’S why WWE’s Diva matches suck. If they take too hard of a bump, they’ll explode!

But, what should be a good thing is slowly turning into just another thing that Linda’s campaign can point to and say “See? The WWE does positive things! Remember, Be A Star?”

Oh yes, that. They are still doing that. Stop bulling!

Alex Riley gets bullied backstage by John Cena and a few other top guys. He goes to management to complain and they take him off TV. Be A Star indeed!
Great example for the kiddies? It’s okay to bully people if you’re the top brass there.

I think two things are funny about this:

1. The WWE pulls this Breast Cancer campaign out of their ass right after they get accused of objectifying women on their programming.

2. Isn’t it funny to a man who just got divorced to support Breast Cancer?

Let me be honest with you guys. Cancer hits me REALLY hard. I’ve had NUMEROUS friends, family, and loved ones die from Cancer or battle it. I just lost one recently. Cancer is VERY serious to me. But, when a company claims to support it all the way, but they don’t, it pisses me off. I DO support the Komen Foundation as well as WEspark. But, I’ll support them directly like I have been for years and NOT through a promotion who’s only doing this to get the promoter’s wife a Senatorial seat when her only qualifications are spending almost $100 million dollars and sitting in only a handful of meetings as a member of the Connecticut Board of Education. By a handful, I mean less than TEN!

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-Speaking of Linda’s campaign, the WWE has removed all “Attitude Era” footage from their YouTube channel because it was being “misused by political parties”, yet later in that same press release, they claim that it wasn’t because of politicians that they took it down. That alone should set the tone for this entry.

Is WWE really that senile? Whoop-dee-damn-doo! You took down some footage from YouTube. There’s still VHS tapes, DVD’s, WWE Classics on Demand, as well as other various outlets to still get hands on that footage. That’s like putting a wad of bubble gum on a leaky dam. It’s not only stupid, it’s not going to work.

I also love how they expect us to believe that WWE is not doing it for Linda’s campaign and that the WWE has nothing to do with Linda. Anyone with a BRAIN knows that Vince McMahon still runs the promotion. Linda is his wife. They LIVE together! If she wants something done, she can walk five feet and tell him face to face. That’s his wife. Of COURSE he’s going to do what she asks.

Need more proof of this bullshit parade? WWE is so adamant about being “family friendly” and having G and PG rated television, yet their biggest demographic of fans are in the 35-50 age group. Look on their site. You’ll see it. That is before they wind up taking it down, doctoring it, and putting it back up.

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-As for the WWE creating jobs and treating everyone fairly, that’s bullshit. Case in point: Abraham Washington got fired for a rape joke, yet Drunkydactyl Cameron not ONLY gets pulled over for DUI, she both lies about her employer AND tried to bribe the officers with $10,000 to let her go and she only gets a 15-day suspension.

Now what is worse to you: a rape joke or a DUI, lying to police, AND attempted bribery?

As someone who’s lost a very dear loved one to a drunk driver’s head on collision, it APPALLS me that she only got a slap on the wrist. Worse than that is the nerve of WWE to have their Superstars sit there with a straight face and do advertisements for drunk driving. DUI is a VERY serious thing. Why should I believe they really support this when their Superstars rack up DUI’s like Tommy racks up points in pinball?

This is a COMMON thing with them. BELIEVE me. This won’t be the last you hear about things like this.

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-Tammy Bytch…uhh…I mean SYTCH about a few months back decided to rip all of her critics one and not out of her ass like I’ve always believed her words come out of, saying that she’s getting her life back together and that she will be a new person when she comes out of rehab. Mind you, this is coming from a person who’s been her own biggest advertisement and has been a major pain in the ass over the years. I could write a book about it all. That’s how much is out there that she did.

Yet, fresh out of rehab, she was arrested not once, not twice, but THREE FUCKING TIMES! If that wasn’t bad enough, all were within a day or less of each other!

For those keeping score, here’s the breakdown of arrests:

*Tammy was first arrested for disorderly conduct on September 11 at 8:55 PM … in an incident involving her ex-boyfriend who was living in the house where the altercation took place.

*Tammy was released the next day (Sept. 12) on $500 bond … and enjoyed several hours of freedom before ARREST #2 at 4:49 PM … when she was popped for disorderly conduct and strangulation. She was also charged with violating a restraining order.

*Tammy was released the next day (Sept.13) on $25,000 bond … and enjoyed several hours of freedom before ARREST #3 at 8:00 PM … when she was popped for once again violating a restraining order.

All of this involved her now ex-boyfriend. You know the guys she gushed about and said that she has the perfect life now? This is the SAME woman that asked fellow wrestler New Jack to kill another ex of hers claiming that he beat the stuffing out of her. So, now we DEFINITELY know she was full of more shit than a Christmas goose as she was arrested three times for strangling another man.

Then she went on Tweeter(Twitter) and said “Lesson to men: Cheat on a good woman, You get choked out.” before it was taken down, presumably on the advice her attorney who no doubt has his or her work cut out for them. Trust me from personal experiences with people that I work and am friends with, getting Tammy to act like a decent human being is as impossible as getting my grandfather to take a bath. It’s downright IMPOSSIBLE!

I’d laugh my ass off if she tries to claim that her Twitter was hacked. That seems to be the de facto excuse wrestlers use when their words are turned or used against them.

But, I tell you. Tammy and her attorney must be REALLY FUCKING STUPID to think that a prosecutor won’t find that tweet. That tweet is on EVERY wrestling site. It’s even been screen capped. A prosecutor’s job is to dig to find anything they can find to use in their case. I can find it and I’m no prosecutor. If the prosecutor cannot put Tammy away based on that confession alone and her history, then they must REALLY be the worst prosecutor in history.

Karma’s a bitch, Tammy. But then again, you are too, so you should know full well what it’s like.

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-There are rampant rumors that WWE and All-Japan Pro Wrestling have struck a working agreement and that All-Japan will act as a developmental territory in some capacity for WWE guys.

While I do think this is a good idea, as Japan is THE place to go if you wish to become a successful professional wrestler and actually work a match, it will ONLY work if WWE does NOT touch the All-Japan Dojo personnel. Which means no sending over your own trainers or any of that shit. Leave the work to the people in the dojo. They know what they are doing and it’s worked fine thus far. If they do this, it’s a step in the right direction.

Another reason is that WWE feels they could use the All-Japan brand to open doors for them in Japan. Too bad that they don’t realize that All-Japan has not been relevant since Misawa left and took most of the roster with him to create Pro Wrestling NOAH.

Let me illustrate this point another way:

Remember the episode of “The Simpsons” where Homer dreams of owning the Dallas Cowboys and gets the Denver Broncos instead?

That’s basically the situation with WWE and All-Japan Pro Wrestling.

Still, being sports entertainment, a better match for them would’ve been DDT. I would love to see a fatal four way for the Ironman Heavy Metal Weight Championship with Hornswoggle, The Miz, a Ladder, and Yoshihiko the inflatable love doll…..

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YEAH! That’ll put some asses in seats as Tony Schiavone would say. He’d also say that this will be the greatest night in the history of our sport and lied about that so…..

That’s all for now. Join me for the next installment next week and every week.

PEACE, LOVE, AND ALL THAT OTHER WARM AND FUZZY BULLSHIT…

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